


just say you'll wait, you'll wait for me.

by commonemergency



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Waiting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-03
Updated: 2018-02-03
Packaged: 2019-03-13 01:01:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,946
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13559352
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/commonemergency/pseuds/commonemergency
Summary: Maybe he was homesick for a time once before, maybe he missed the way things used to be. Maybe Dan was just incredibly human.Or sometimes Dan is late, and Phil waits for him.





	just say you'll wait, you'll wait for me.

**Author's Note:**

> i don't know what this is either, but i like it.

**i.**

_How long have you been waiting?_

Dan asks sometimes. He doesn’t understand the depth of the question, at least over the years. When he asks it the first time, it’s over a Skype call. Dan had promised that they’d Skype tonight, after a couple of days being unable to because friends from Uni had come back for a weekend, his ex girlfriend was in town, his grandmother wanted to spend time with him, his parents wanted to talk to him about the future. 

There just wasn’t enough time in the day. After every social interaction Dan needed five days to recuperate. He just couldn’t physically talk to people sometimes. He apologized to Phil for that beforehand when things were starting to get serious. He promised him tonight though. Except it was almost twelve and he had a list of things to do tomorrow, starting by seven am. Phil didn’t want to be the person staring at the clock, hoping that he’d call. But that’s exactly what he was doing. 

He feels his phone vibrate and it’s a text from Dan that he’s about to call. Phil wants to be mad at Dan. He doesn’t realise how long he’s been waiting, doesn’t get that he has a life too, that he doesn’t revolve around Dan. 

But then he sees Dan’s shy smile. The dimple in his cheek. He’s wearing a long sleeved shirt and his hair is starting to curl just a little bit and Phil is still mad, but he’s not as mad. Dan looks like he’s had a long day of conversations that he didn’t want to have but had to have anyway, and Phil understands, but it doesn’t make it right. 

He watches as Dan gulps, and takes a deep breath. He says, “Sorry,” with an even deeper sigh. 

“How long have you been waiting? I didn’t even realise the time.” Dan picks his phone up looks at the clock and he shakes his head. Mad at himself because he knows that it’s long enough. 

“Doesn’t matter.” Phil says, smiling softly at the boy. What he’s feeling now, the slight irritation, won’t matter tomorrow, and it’s probably too early in the relationship to think this thought, but his mother had always said when it came to being someone’s partner, _never go to sleep angry._ “Tell me about your day.” 

Phil leans in closer, because this is as close as they can be. For now. 

Relief floods Dan’s face. He gives himself a second. A moment of vulnerability that Phil picks up on and treasures it for a different time, and then, he talks about his day with his hands, to the high octaves that his voice can go, and Phil listens. And he waits. 

**ii.**

_How long have you been waiting?_

Dan asks. They’re meeting at a Starbucks. Phil wasn’t originally going to text Dan. He didn’t want to bother him. They hadn’t talked much other than at night- when it’s too much for Dan’s head and he needs to let it out, even if it’s a string of words that don’t make sense to Phil (but make sense to Dan), and it ends with Dan curling himself against Phil’s body, because it’s sometimes nice to pretend that if you cocoon yourself in someone then everything will disappear. 

Phil studies the way Dan holds himself. There’s not much confidence, he sags like he has the world on his shoulders, but he picks up the drink that Phil ordered for him, taking a glance at the name that’s written on the cup and the realisation that someone knows him. 

It’s cold now, but it’s sweet. That has to mean something, Phil thinks. 

“Maybe over an hour,” Phil says with a small smile. It was over two hours, but he keeps that to himself. He knows that he shouldn’t, he should tell Dan what he’s feeling. He should tell him that he gets angry when they make plans to go out and Dan cancels them, because he can’t. What makes Phil angrier is the fact that he doesn’t understand, but he’s trying to. 

“Sorry.” Dan says, his eyes are downcast to the table, and his voice sounds hollow. 

Phil wonders if London is digging its claws too deep into Dan’s skin. It’s winter, which drags and feels long and impossible, it doesn’t help that London still feels like a stranger to them. Maybe he was homesick for a time once before, maybe he missed the way things used to be. _Maybe Dan was just incredibly human._

“I got you something.” Dan grabs whatever it is from his coat pocket and Phil realises that it’s a Kinder Egg. 

Phil takes it from his hands and starts to unwrap it like it’s some precious gift, and in a way it is.  
_Dan does know him._ He places the wrapper on the table in front of them and eats the chocolates so he can get to the capsule that holds the cheap toys that they put in them. When he was a kid he used to collect them and stuff all the toys into a box, claiming that when he was older with his own children they’d probably be worth ‘ _loads_ ’ and he’d pass them to his children to invest in. He can’t remember where that box is now. 

It’s a toy rabbit. It reminds him of the one that he grew up with. He can’t help but smile looking down at the toy and then back up at Dan who seems to be lost in thought. 

“It’s for, uh, for making you wait.” Dan takes a deep breath, looking at the toy for a second. 

Phil hands it back to Dan. “Keep it.” He says, and Dan holds it in his palm. 

“Why?” 

“Rabbits are lucky.” Phil shrugs. If there was something that Phil wished he could give Dan it was good days and good luck, even though he knew Dan didn’t believe in either of them.

“Isn’t it supposed to be a rabbit’s foot that’s lucky though?”

“Shh, Dan. You’re ruining it.” 

Dan doesn’t say anything, he just stares down at the toy and he safely puts it in his pocket for a rainy day. 

Phil sits in the silence with Dan and he wonders where Dan goes when he leaves. He can be somewhere so far away even though he’s sitting right across from him and he always wonders if he’ll ever come back. 

He thinks about the toy rabbit, it’s nothing special, but it’s something to ground Dan, to remind him that someone was still here. Still waiting, waiting, waiting. 

**iii.**

_How long have you been waiting?_

Dan is yanking his jacket off, his cheeks are flushed and his hair is starting to curl around the edges. He looks like he sprinted here and he might have with the way he’s out of breath. When he sits down he grabs the menu that’s been waiting there for him and he smiles at Phil quickly before looking down. 

“Thirty minutes at the most.” Phil says with a smile, looking for their waiter. 

“Thanks for waiting.” Dan has learned to say overtime. He’s stopped apologizing for making Phil wait, because sometimes waiting was okay.

“How was your appointment?” Phil is curious, it’s his third visit with this new therapist and hopefully this one is permanent. The way that Dan is acting, he thinks that it might be. He looks lighter, like he’s seen the better days. _Like he believes it._

“Really good.” Dan smiles up at Phil, placing his menu back down on the table. Phil doesn’t need him to tell him what he’s ordering because he already knows. 

This was their favourite restaurant, Dan tried to venture out and try something new but always ended up getting the same thing every time. It was comforting with how much Dan was changing there were still aspects to him that stayed the same, like his choice in pasta cuisines. 

“Oh, I found something.” Dan reaches over to grab whatever it was from his coat pocket and he holds up the toy rabbit from those years ago. Phil doesn’t know why his throat feels suddenly tight but he smiles at Dan who’s looking at it like an old friend. “Yeah, I was just cleaning and going through my boxes. I forgot I put this in my keepsakes. I brought it with me to my appointment because I knew I wanted to show you later.” 

Phil doesn’t know why he’s surprised. “You kept it.” 

Dan runs his thumb over the worn edges of the toy rabbit, smiling to himself because it seemed to spark up a bittersweet memory of a different time, when things were hard, and where the love was bittersweet. 

“I did. It seemed important at the time.”

When they finish their food they walk out to a cool night on the thames. There’s a crowd surrounding a duo, one playing the guitar and the other singing. They smile as they pass by the two, it makes for a perfect soundtrack to a nice evening. Phil can tell that Dan is yearning to head home after a day of talking about the things that were hard. 

Sometimes loving Dan was waiting for his right moment. It’s at the bus stop when he starts talking about his therapist and what he’s going to work on, Phil waits patiently for him to finish, and he waits patiently for him to continue the story when he stops himself because he sometimes gets ahead of himself when he’s passionate about something. Phil never minds, he’s got all the time in the world. 

**iv.**

_How long have you been waiting?_

The last time Dan asks, Phil doesn’t even realise that he was waiting in the first place.

“We both got here at the same time, I think.” Phil says and Dan smiles a knowing smile, his cheeks are flushed and he has his backpack slung over his shoulder. His hair is at maximum curl level. Phil’s fingers brush some of it to the side. They’re standing outside their office building for a meeting. 

“Let’s get this over with and I’ll tell you all about meeting the Prince,” Dan laughs, placing a hand on Phil’s shoulder. 

Dan opens the door for him and they walk close together to the lift. “I can’t believe it.” Phil shakes his head in disbelief, but he can’t help but feel incredibly proud. 

They had come a long way, from their beginning. Phil sometimes realised it during moments when they were talking about their future. In this instance it was about the upcoming tour. He’d watch as Dan would write notes about the things that he thought were important, and he’d always show Phil what he wrote after the long meetings so they could discuss it when they got home because that had always been their safe haven.

He’d think about what they’d accomplished, over the years together and apart; Dan going through his mental health journey and Phil being there firsthand, experiencing it with him. It’s why he was so proud of him, and _them._

He had thought about all of those restless nights, waiting for a boy who may never come back but eventually always did. Phil had never judged Dan for the way that he loved him back. But like with a lot of things, they learned a new way, a better way to love, and it was good. 

Dan turns to look at Phil now, smiling just a little bit, placing his hand on top of Phil’s under the table for a moment. Some people were worth waiting for. Dan was worth waiting for.

**Author's Note:**

> comments/kudos appreciated!
> 
> talk to me on tumblr/twitter: **@nihilismdan.**


End file.
